21 April 2007

Put Your Hair Up!

How to say this? Yes, MK has certainly previously weighed in in favor of coiffure qua coiffure. In the past few weeks, though, she could not shake the feeling that women's hair worn down is over. Yes, over.

Oh, sometimes MK makes pronouncements that seem a bit out there. But certainly that's the price one pays for being ahead. For synthesizing history and zeitgeist to see what no one else can see. Sometimes one sounds a bit out there, yes. But then 6 months to 2 years later, one finds--lo! and behold--that one's "kooky" preferences or predictions are "in the air" as received wisdom. Go fucking figure!

And so, she says to you: ladies, please put your hair up. Braid it, knot it, twist it. Do something messy and adorable and secure it with an old hatpin. (Just mind those ends, kittens. Those things can be sharp.) Do you see that?! Such a style secret of near-incomprehensible genius she's just given away!! But, hell, if it improves the appearance of the general population Ms. K considers it no less than what civic engagement demands of her.

As she was saying, ladies: hair up. If one's hair is too short to go up, please proceed as one of those 1920s bobbed ladies. In fact, MK is currently growing out her hair for the express purposes of braids and bobby pins.

Why should one wear one's hair up, one may well ask. Among African-American women, Ms. Kansas thinks it's no secret that wearing hair "down" has wrought unimaginable havoc on scalps across the country--if not the world--due to the effects of chemical straightening, whose ghastly results really cannot be exaggerated. It's time to stop the insanity. Look around. It's very common these days for Black men to have longer, more abundant hair than Black women. Why is that? Because Black men, in general, don't pursue straight hair that "hangs down." The natural state is ok for them. Note bene: MK is not pushing long hair as the norm. Only: if one wears one's hair short it should be by choice, not de facto.

Secondly, hair worn loose is a tad on the grody side. Loose, unbound hairs are more likely to stray into food or unwelcoming mouths.

Last of all, hair is power no matter one's gender. That's why balding men get so het up. This is why drag queens wear the most enormous wigs. In the old days, women wore their hair down only in private--like when they were getting ready for bed. In the movie Titanic, Kate Winslet's character Rose wears her hair down. All the other ladies have their hair up. This cues the audience in to the fact that Rose is different, rebellious. She is suffocating in her surroundings, etc. This is all apparent just from what's going on with a head of hair. Now then, as MK was saying: borrow a page from that old book. Or part of a page. Think about it: what could be more erotic than taking down one's hair for a lover?

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